Discovering Who I Am

 But whoever did want him, who believed he was who he claimed and would do what he said, He made to be their true selves, their child-of-God selves. - John 1:12 (The Message)

Over the last few weeks I have been engaged in an effort to understand myself a bit more and how I react and interact in the world. Depending upon who you are talking with there are a variety of tools that might help you discover your true self, your way of viewing others and being in the world. There is the standard, the tried and true tool of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (those four letters that try to define you – I am an ISTJ). Another is the Predictive Index (PI for short) which I have never taken. There is the Traitify which is targeted for the Millennials and younger set and uses pictures in their process of typing you (again I have never done this one). There are two of a kind: Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence test and Adaptive Resilience Factor Inventory which bring emotional resiliency into the equation (not ones I have considered). And there is the Enneagram – which focuses on the influences of one’s basic fears and motivations (for those keeping score I am an 8). An interesting side, most ISTJs are not 8s; only 5% seem to fit into this combination.

Before I go any further I need to point something out. Any and all of these personal type tools are just that, tools. They do not fully define you and they are not all that you are. They help you know yourself and give you some insight into how you see and engage the world. They help you understand the dynamics of your interaction with others. But they do not control you and if my personal experience is any indicator, your specifics can shift and change depending upon age, stage and how you are feeling/doing at the time you take the “test”. The core of who you are may be indicated by these tools but they do not have the final say when it comes to how you see and engage others. You can develop and learn ways that are outside your “natural” self that serve you well in life. In fact, most all of us do this.

I have been delving into the Enneagram. I found a respected practitioner who evaluated me and then talked with me about how my type functions and shared practices and tools to assist me in working with others. He was very clear about the fact that what we were discussing was not the “final word” on how I see and engage others and the world but that it was a tool to help me understand why I react like I do and why others react to me the way they do. Ultimately what we are talking about is behavioral modification. I cannot change my reptilian response to the world but I can understand it and then let that understanding guide me as I try to become what God hopes I can be.

I am beginning to think that human evolution is becoming more about evolving our ways of behaving then with physical changes that allow us to better survive. All the major world religions are about evolving humans away from the fight, flight, and freeze responses. They all call us to seek a more social, interpersonal and communal way of being in the world. They all ask us to develop our compassion and to have empathy. They all look to our developing a commitment to the common good over our natural tendency to focus on what’s best for me and mine.  They all ask us to move beyond our “natural” selves and to embrace the humanity that God so wants each and every one of us to be.

I have said that I live the unexamined life. It is not a fair assessment of how I function. I examine myself but in ways that are not recognized. Only 4% of the population are 8s and 13% are ISTJs. I am one of the smallest groups (8) and largest groups (ISTJ) so I am a very unusual mix. This means that I don’t do things like others do, including self-examination. I also have to know that the way others do things will seem foreign to me, but that doesn’t make their way invalid or wrong, it’s just another way to do things. I’m 58 years old and still learning, who would have guessed? Life is a journey and if you plan to get anywhere you must learn and grow and change and modify as you go. Let the next stage begin!

Dear God, thank you for making me who I am – a unique and beautiful reflection of you. Help me to see others as unique and beautiful reflections of you. Amen.