Don't sit there watching the wind. Do your own work. Don't stare at the clouds. Get on with your life. - Ecclesiastes 11:4 (The Message)
I am worn out today. My mind doesn’t seem to be able to hold onto a train of thought for any reasonable length of time or for a coherent path. It is so much so that even trying to think up a word or phrase to put in my Bible search software to come up with a passage for this Musing seems nigh impossible. As an introvert, I have reached my limit and can tell that my tank is empty and even the reserve that is meant to get me to the next fill is dry. When I’m feeling this way the voice of duty and responsibility and even shame seems to shout in my head things like the above passage.
I know you have felt this way in the past. I know that I am not a bad person because I feel this way. I know that everyone at some time needs to pause and stare at the clouds or watch the wind. I just want to be able to do the things that I think are needed, necessary, important or that I know bring me life. These Musings fall into that category. That’s why I am doing this today, because it does help me, it energizes me and even though it may seem counter intuitive it really does help me recharge.
I bet you always thought these Musings were for you, the people who receive them and might read them. In fact, they are for me. They allow me to share some of who I am and what I believe and how I see and interact with the world, God and all that. They help me to organize my thoughts and feelings and give me an avenue to express myself without worrying to much about blow back. This is far different than a sermon or teaching a class. It is just me, my reflections that I just happen to share.
I am struggling to figure out how this might fit with the new position I will be taking on July 1. I have been doing these since June of 2005. 12 years of my reflections and, as George Carlin often said about his reflections, brain droppings. I think that it is time to let this expression of myself come to an end. It is time to find a new way of sharing what I think and feel and believe and muse about. What that will be is still a mystery to me. I do know that whatever it is it will be on that immortal and eternal medium known fondly as the internet. It will likely take the form of a blog but the subject or the point of it is still what is in flux.
I plan to do two more Musings. One the week of June 4 and the last one the week of June 11. I hope to have whatever I will be doing up and running the second week of July. There will be a link on the Cascadia District website when it is up and running if you happen to want to see what I will be doing, you will find it there.
I want to thank you for taking the time to read these Musings. For the replies you have sent. For the times you have shared with me how they have sparked something in you. Thank you for allowing me these opportunities to drop on you my frustrations, worries, joys, concerns, mental and emotional and spiritual failings. I truly believe in these often emotionally disconnected times, when we are more connected than ever to the world but seem so lost and disconnected from others, that honest and open sharing is important. I encourage you to muse and share your musings with others. Take the risk and be willing to just let them be without apology or defensiveness. If you get nothing else from these past 12 years please take with you the critically important reality that connections with self, God and others are what give and sustain life.
Dear God, thank you for giving me a mind to think, a heart to feel and a spirit that seeks to connect with all creation, myself and you. Amen.