Pride

Some take pride in chariots, and some in horses, but our pride is in the name of the Lord our God.

 - Psalms 20:7 (NRSV)

Pride lands you flat on your face; humility prepares you for honors.  - Proverbs 29:23 (The Message)

Don’t worry; I am not starting a series of Musings on the Seven Deadly Sins. I am conflicted however. You see all my life I have been taught that pride is not a good thing. Pride is defined as: a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.; The state or feeling of being proud. A becoming or dignified sense of what is due to oneself or one's position or character; self-respect; self-esteem; Pleasure or satisfaction taken in something done by or belonging to oneself or believed to reflect credit upon oneself; Something that causes a person or persons to be proud. As one of the Seven Deadly Sins (I couldn’t avoid going there) pride is: excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.

The conflict within me has to do with the battle lines that have been drawn by my religion, culture, tradition and family upbringing. Obviously the idea that belief in your own abilities is dangerous is part of the corrupt interpretation of the Christian faith that has been passed on over the last several centuries. It all goes back to the likes of St. Augustine who said things like: It was Pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels. I was taught in church and at home that you shouldn’t be too confident in your own abilities because it would somehow cause you to put less trust in God.

 

My folks were so confused about what to do they seemed to never fully land in either camp. They would tell me how great a job I had done and how proud they were of me and then in the very next breathe they would remind me that I could do more, be better and that I shouldn’t be too confident in my own abilities. This problem wasn’t just my own. It had gotten so bad in our culture that we began to realize that self-esteem and self-confidence were lacking in many people due to our cultural and religious hesitation and uncertainty regarding pride. When my kids were in elementary school self-confidence was a big part of everything they did from no letter grades (It’s how you do not how you rank with others) to participation trophies (no one is better than anyone else we all are equally important). While I think this helped a lot of kids to feel better about themselves it still didn’t get at the core of the conflict we have created – satisfaction and confidence verses a drive for perfection and pride.

 

I am proud of my children. I am proud of Amy. I am proud of my church. I am proud of the way I am leading my church. I am proud of what I have been able to accomplish in my life. I am proud of those I know who are doing well. But even writing this makes little bells go off in my head. Who am I to think I am doing a good job? Why should I feel pride for something that isn’t done as well as it might be? How is it that in all my imperfections and failings I can be proud of anything that I have done?

 

It has taken me years but I have gotten to the place where I can let those little bells toll and not let their ringing dampen the pride I feel in myself and others over things and life well done. I think we all need to take pride in a job well done. I think we all need to allow for ourselves to be proud of what others have accomplished. I think we all should let the pride flow when successes come. I also agree that we need to never, ever let our pride, self-confidence, etc displace God. I don’t believe in the interference God (God jumps in and makes things happen) but I do believe that what is right and good and just comes from a place deeper than just my or any other person’s ability. I believe that we are all uniquely gifted and that when we put our gifts to work for the common good and join our gifts with those of others who are also working for the common good we are doing something holy, something divine and God is present there. The sum or the parts is greater than the individual elements. It isn’t all thanks to the individuals present because something else is there as well, God is there.

 

I realize that I haven’t said everything I have to say on this subject. I also realize that I am not sure what else I need to say right now. So I will end this Musing without a clear finish to it.

 

Dear God, thank you for making me who I am, for all the unique and special things that make me who I am. Help me to be confident and proud of who I am and what I do. Help me to also join my efforts with those of others so that together we can be more and do more than we could alone. Thank you for all your gifted children. Amen.

 

Halloween or All Hallows Eve

They were startled and terrified, and thought that they were seeing a ghost. [Jesus] said to them, "Why are you frightened, and why do doubts arise in your hearts? Look at my hands and my feet; see that it is I myself. Touch me and see; for a ghost does not have flesh and bones as you see that I have." -  Luke 24:37-39 (NRSV)

Halloween or Harvest Festival? It seems that as we approach All Saints Day the debate rages about what the correct Christian thing is to do with the night before this most hallowed celebration of the church. To begin we need just a little background. Where exactly did this Halloween come from? I turned to one of my favorite sources for information historical and found this summary of the holiday:

Straddling the line between fall and winter, plenty and paucity, life and death, Halloween is a time of celebration and superstition. It is thought to have originated with the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, when people would light bonfires and wear costumes to ward off roaming ghosts. In the eighth century, Pope Gregory III designated November 1 as a time to honor all saints and martyrs; the holiday, All Saints’ Day, incorporated some of the traditions of Samhain. The evening before was known as All Hallows’ Eve and later Halloween. Over time, Halloween evolved into a secular, community-based event characterized by child-friendly activities such as trick-or-treating. In a number of countries around the world, as the days grow shorter and the nights get colder, people continue to usher in the winter season with gatherings, costumes and sweet treats.

(From: http://www.history.com/topics/halloween/history-of-halloween)

There is a lot more detail about the roots of Halloween, its traditions and their origins so check it out if you want to know more. My interest is in the fact that present day Christians seem torn about this annual dip into the mysterious, monstrous, metaphysical and macabre.   Many of us don’t like the evil or demonic bent to this annual celebration of the dark side while at the same time our culture has adopted Halloween. It ranks 8^th on the list for holiday spending which includes Back to School and the Super Bowl. When you look at what I would call holidays Halloween is 6^th behind (in order) Winter Holidays, Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Easter, and Father’s Day. In the US we spent $6.9 billion on Halloween last year. So why is it that Halloween has such a hold on us? All the holidays that come in ahead of it on the spending list include the expectations of expensive gifts yet on Halloween we give out candy and usually small treats that don’t cost a lot. The spending on Halloween is mainly for costumes and decorations.

In anthropological terms some form of holiday that has as its main component ghost, spirits, demons, etc is almost universal among human cultures throughout time. Call it superstition, call it fear, call it an attempt to understand things that go bump in the night, call it a way to address the human need for understanding what happens after death, call it whatever but this celebration of the mysterious and monstrous seems hardwired into the human psyche. To pretend that Christians don’t share in this is absurd. All you have to do is look at the healing stories of Jesus to see the presence of this in our roots. All you have to do is look at the official rituals of the Roman Catholic Church to find ones for exorcisms. Why then do we want to gloss it over or in some way separate ourselves from this very human holiday?

Mostly, I think, it has to do with appearances. That’s right, some Christians want to present themselves to the world in a way that makes them appear more civilized, less superstitious, less carried away by fanciful and in their minds, twisted aspects of the unsaved hordes. After all, they believe, if we say that we are God’s chosen ones we have nothing to fear. They think that the waters of baptism remove the mysterious and monstrous from their midst. They honestly believe that by wearing a mummy mask, going trick-or-treating, carving pumpkins and enjoying the mysterious you are somehow give Satan an opening to attack your very soul.

But the stuff of Halloween is beneficial to us. Psychologist tells us that it is healthy to have a way to let yourself go, be scared and try on another way of life in a safe and socially accepted way. The scary aspect allows us to experience an adrenaline rush in a safe way but also to master deep-seat fears. It gives us a way to harmlessly live out our fantasies. Fundamentally healthy people want to be scared in a safe environment so they can experience the feelings and learn about how they react to fear without worrying about the outcome. Halloween, horror movies, roller coasters, etc all provide us with a way to safely explore fear and our reactions and help us learn how to deal with fear when it comes up in our lives.

So I encourage you to put on that costume of the person you most want to be like but aren’t. Take in a haunted tour of some house or the Shanghai Tunnels, have a late night picnic snack in a cemetery or do whatever scares you while in a safe environment and allow yourself to know what it’s like to feel afraid and learn something about yourself. One caution, if you have had real-life moments of fearing for your life be gentle with yourself if you choose to get scared. Don’t do something to cause those real life horrors to come back to life.

Dear God, thank you for our imaginations. Thank you for safe places to be sacred. Thank you for the times we can learn about ourselves and still have fun. Be with anyone who is going through real life horrors and help us work to make the world safe so that the only scary things that happen are things that are safe. Amen.

The Problem with Men

Cain said to his brother Abel, "Let us go out to the field." And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel, and killed him. Then the Lord said to Cain, "Where is your brother Abel?" He said, "I do not know; am I my brother's keeper?" And the Lord said, "What have you done? Listen; your brother's blood is crying out to me from the ground!  - Genesis 4:8-10 (NRSV)

The United Nations Economic Commission for Europe data show that in the U.S. and Europe, 85%-100% of people convicted of assault are men. And 90% of murders are committed by men. Men are by far the principal perpetrators of rape, war, torture, incest, sexual abuse, sexualized murder, and genocide.  From: http://www.offourbacks.org/malepat.htm

As a man I am convicted. Violence is predominantly a male thing. You can argue about the figures but study after study and statistical report after statistical report shows that the overwhelming perpetrator of violence is male. Who are the mass murders? Who are the school shooters? Who are the architects of genocide? Who are the ones killing their children and partners? You know the answer, men.

It seems that there are many and varied theories about why this is the case. Some say males are genetically hardwired for violence, a warrior gene that has evolved to help us survive and thrive as a species. Some say it has to do with the lack of male role models present and active in the lives of children. Some say that the lack of social equality between the sexes is to blame. While there may be truth in one, some or all of these theories the fact remains that men are more violent than women.

In the stories of our faith the first violent act is Cain killing Abel out of jealousy. One of the Ten Commandments specifically forbids killing, “Thou shall not kill.” Jesus refuses to lead a violent uprising. Paul advocates civil disobedience not revolution. Yet even the Church has come to the place of sanctifying violence with the Crusades and the “Just War Theory” to name a couple examples. And who is it that runs civil governments and ecclesiastical institutions? Overwhelming men, that’s who.

I’m not sure where I want to go with this. I know that deep inside me is a belief that men are basically good, peaceful, non-violent types who want to see a world of harmony and peace. I also know that not so deep within me is a drive to make sure my family is safe and secure, that I will defend those I care about, and that if violence is the only means to that end I’m afraid that would be my response.

I believe that in most things that are on a spectrum the best place to land is at the balance point. I believe that we are living the best we can when things are balanced – enough fun and work to balance, enough alone time and time with others to balance, enough love received and love given to balance… So as a man I feel that my goal needs to be to find a balance, not with using enough violence and refraining from it but with the feelings and emotions that I have concerning how I want to engage the world. Using violence is never a good idea and if I must use it I do so knowing that there will be consequences. You see in the Cain and Abel story Cain wasn’t punished by God, his actions had consequences and in fact God protected Cain from others who sought violence against him.

We are at a time when the human male needs to evolve emotionally. Our nature and even our nurture may predispose us to violence but we don’t have to live that way. We can think, feel, and do the psychological and spiritual things necessary to keep our bent to violence in check and learn how to engage the world without it. We can do this but it will take work, it will take will, it will take support, it will take men willing to be the models so that other men and boys can see how they too can engage the world without violence. If we work hard, pray hard and are willing to keep at it we can alter the truth of violence and men.

Dear God, I pray for those who are victims of violence. I pray for those who are violent. I especially pray for all men who struggle with violence as a way of engaging the world. Heal us, help us to find non-violent ways to live and be. Help us find in you a model that will help us be the humans you want us to be.  Amen.