What Have I Done!

And the Spirit immediately drove him out into the wilderness. He was in the wilderness forty days, tempted by Satan; and he was with the wild beasts; and the angels waited on him. - Mark 1:12-13 (NRSV)

In case you haven’t heard, the Bishop of the Greater Northwest Area of the United Methodist Church will be appointing me as District Superintendent (DS) of the Cascadia District of the Oregon-Idaho Annual Conference on July 1^st. The conference website describes the district like this: The Cascadia District consists of 49 congregations and one Hispanic Fellowship, stretching from the north Oregon coast to the high desert of Eastern Oregon. A defining geographical feature of this entire region is the Cascade Mountain Range, which has a profound influence on the physical and social life across the region. "Cascadia" refers to the whole region, a diverse set of local communities which have in common being impacted by the mountains. Likewise, the congregations which make up the Cascadia District are contextually diverse expressions of our common faith in Christ and our shared United Methodist heritage. In other words, a large diverse geographic area with faithful United Methodists scattered among those geographic features.

I selected the passage above not because of the temptation angle. I selected it because I am pretty sure that when Jesus came out of the River Jordan he needed to figure out what was going on and made a break for a place where he could have time to get his head, heart, and spirit around what he now knew about himself. I may be reading into it but I think Jesus must have dropped down and put his head in his hands and muttered, “What have I done?” Which no doubt was followed by an even more heartfelt “WTF!” (Sorry if this offends you but I can’t help believing that Jesus was as human as you and me and therefore would have had this kind of reaction to the Spirit and a dove and a voice from heaven.)

I too am feeling “What have I done?” I too am saying, “WTF!” It’s not that I don’t think I can do the job of DS. It’s not that I am frustrated about the appointment. It’s not about feeling overwhelmed. It is all about realizing that I said “Yes!” to doing something I never anticipated being asked to do. I think Jesus never anticipated the decent of the Spirit and the voice from heaven. I think his head spun a bit and he wasn’t at all sure if what you heard and experienced was what it was. Now I’m not saying I had a divine revelation when our Bishop met with me that was akin to Jesus’. But I did have an “ah ha” moment. A brief experience of divine clarity and a sense that what was being asked of me was of God and I was being called to it.

I like to think that I have become more attune to the divine around me. I believe that God is constantly trying to get our attention. I believe that the Spirit is active in our lives and world. Not pulling strings or manipulating circumstances but present, real and infusing things with the holy. Once you begin to sense and experience the holy around you, you tend to notice it more and more. There is only one drawback really, because you notice the holy more and more you also are sensitive to its leading and calling and this is where I found myself. I realized that I cannot become sensitive to the holy on my terms. Accepting or ignoring as it suits me. I know I can say “yes” or “no” to the holy but I cannot ignore it. And so, we arrive at this transition in my life, the life of my church and in the life of the larger church. Just because I recognize it for what it is doesn’t mean I still won’t react from a place of, I’m not sure how to describe it, but that place we all have been when we are facing something unexpected and challenging.

I therefore say with Dag Hammarskjöld, “For all that has been, Thank you. For all that is to come, Yes!”

Dear God, help me to be more sensitive to your spirit in my life and world, even when I want to ignore it. Be with me as I trod a new path unforeseen. Be with the people of Vermont Hills UMC as they trad a path they wish they needn’t. Help us all to thank you for the changes and challenges of life for they bring us growth. Amen.