Small Words

Kind words heal and help; cutting words wound and maim. – Proverbs 15:4 (The Message)

Many of you know already that my dad died on April 25th. Since that day my family and I have been awash in the love, care, concern and prayers of so many people that it truly is humbling to realize how blest we are to have such good friends, faithful communities and special people in our lives. I have no way to repay all your kindness and love. I have no way to make you understand how vitally important your cards, comments, and prayers have been and are to successfully navigating this time of loss, grief and finding a way forward. So I have to fall back on the only words I know to use in a situation like this, thank you.

Time and again people come to me and ask, “What can I say to someone who is experiencing grief and loss that will make a difference?” They say, “I don’t know what to say or how to say it.” They lament, “I feel so inadequate in face of such pain and loss.” My response has always been the same, “Just say you are there, that you care, and that you will hold them in prayer.” The small, simple words are the most effective and meaningful in times of grief and loss. Having been on the receiving end of such words and heartfelt expressions several times in my life I know how powerfully important they are to those who are in pain.

There is an old hymn with the line “If you can’t preach like Peter, if you can’t pray like Paul, just tell the love of Jesus…” (verse 3 of “There Is a Balm in Gilead”). I think that is what most people need when they are in pain, worried, grieving and feeling lost, simple, small words that let them know they are cared for, that they have someone who loves them, that someone is there for them. At these times in life people don’t need theological discourses on the meaning of life. They aren’t wanting to hear theories about heaven and the afterlife. They could care less about philosophical reflections on the great circle of life. They simply need to know that you are there and that you care; small, simple words.

Think about your own life and the times when you felt lost, alone, unsure, in pain, grieving and remember the words that meant the most, that helped you trudge along until the load lighten a bit. I bet they are words and phrases like, “I love you.” “I’m here if you need me.” “If I can help in any way let me know.” “You are in my thoughts and prayers.” “I’m holding you in the light of grace and love.” “I’m here and I care.” These are not grand dissertations on the deep spiritual, philosophical, mystical, or theological dimensions of life, the universe and everything. They are small simple words that carry all that someone in pain wants and needs to hear. And they are words anyone and everyone can say to those they care about when they are in the throes of pain, loneliness and lost.

 So don’t worry about what to say, just say what is on your heart. Don’t worry about having the correct thing to say; whatever you say that comes from a place of care and concern will be fine. Don’t keep from saying anything for fear of saying the wrong thing because saying something as simple and honest as “I don’t know what to say expect that I care” is enough. Thank you for your small words. Thank you for your care.

Dear God, thank you for the people in my life that speak the simple, small words that have all the meaning they need. Thank you for the love and care of so many. And thank you for being there and for caring. May all who are hurting, alone and grieving know that someone cares and that you are there. Amen.