The Problem with Men

Cain said to his brother Abel, "Let us go out to the field." And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel, and killed him. Then the Lord said to Cain, "Where is your brother Abel?" He said, "I do not know; am I my brother's keeper?" And the Lord said, "What have you done? Listen; your brother's blood is crying out to me from the ground!  - Genesis 4:8-10 (NRSV)

The United Nations Economic Commission for Europe data show that in the U.S. and Europe, 85%-100% of people convicted of assault are men. And 90% of murders are committed by men. Men are by far the principal perpetrators of rape, war, torture, incest, sexual abuse, sexualized murder, and genocide.  From: http://www.offourbacks.org/malepat.htm

As a man I am convicted. Violence is predominantly a male thing. You can argue about the figures but study after study and statistical report after statistical report shows that the overwhelming perpetrator of violence is male. Who are the mass murders? Who are the school shooters? Who are the architects of genocide? Who are the ones killing their children and partners? You know the answer, men.

It seems that there are many and varied theories about why this is the case. Some say males are genetically hardwired for violence, a warrior gene that has evolved to help us survive and thrive as a species. Some say it has to do with the lack of male role models present and active in the lives of children. Some say that the lack of social equality between the sexes is to blame. While there may be truth in one, some or all of these theories the fact remains that men are more violent than women.

In the stories of our faith the first violent act is Cain killing Abel out of jealousy. One of the Ten Commandments specifically forbids killing, “Thou shall not kill.” Jesus refuses to lead a violent uprising. Paul advocates civil disobedience not revolution. Yet even the Church has come to the place of sanctifying violence with the Crusades and the “Just War Theory” to name a couple examples. And who is it that runs civil governments and ecclesiastical institutions? Overwhelming men, that’s who.

I’m not sure where I want to go with this. I know that deep inside me is a belief that men are basically good, peaceful, non-violent types who want to see a world of harmony and peace. I also know that not so deep within me is a drive to make sure my family is safe and secure, that I will defend those I care about, and that if violence is the only means to that end I’m afraid that would be my response.

I believe that in most things that are on a spectrum the best place to land is at the balance point. I believe that we are living the best we can when things are balanced – enough fun and work to balance, enough alone time and time with others to balance, enough love received and love given to balance… So as a man I feel that my goal needs to be to find a balance, not with using enough violence and refraining from it but with the feelings and emotions that I have concerning how I want to engage the world. Using violence is never a good idea and if I must use it I do so knowing that there will be consequences. You see in the Cain and Abel story Cain wasn’t punished by God, his actions had consequences and in fact God protected Cain from others who sought violence against him.

We are at a time when the human male needs to evolve emotionally. Our nature and even our nurture may predispose us to violence but we don’t have to live that way. We can think, feel, and do the psychological and spiritual things necessary to keep our bent to violence in check and learn how to engage the world without it. We can do this but it will take work, it will take will, it will take support, it will take men willing to be the models so that other men and boys can see how they too can engage the world without violence. If we work hard, pray hard and are willing to keep at it we can alter the truth of violence and men.

Dear God, I pray for those who are victims of violence. I pray for those who are violent. I especially pray for all men who struggle with violence as a way of engaging the world. Heal us, help us to find non-violent ways to live and be. Help us find in you a model that will help us be the humans you want us to be.  Amen.