The Cost of Doing What Is Right

"But I say to you that listen, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. If anyone strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also; and from anyone who takes away your coat do not withhold even your shirt.” - Luke 6:27-29 (NRSV)

A note before I begin, you may have noticed that there wasn’t a Musing last week. Nothing happened. The week got away from me and I didn’t get one done. I apologize if for some reason you were concerned.

Amy and I are considering some much needed updates to our home given the fact that the house was built in 1978 and still has its original gas furnace and aluminum framed windows. We had an evaluation done of our home and I received the list of things needed and associated costs today. I am left once again with a terrible dilemma, do what is right and suffer for it or do some of what is right and be inconvenienced.

To do everything they suggest and do it with the most energy efficient, planet friendly methods and products would cost us well over $25,000. Now that isn’t a lot from many angles but it is for us and where we are financially right now. If I compromise on what is best for the earth and go with what is ok I can get into the $15,000 range which is much more doable. But I don’t like the feeling I get when I consider going with the lesser option. And I know this feeling well, I get it often when contemplating where to do my shopping, what to buy, who and what to support with my time and money, and all the other places and ways I am confronted with the conflict between what I know I ought to do, what I would like to do, and what I feel I can afford to do.

I mean I really want to own a car that is the best thing for our planet but look at the costs: A Tesla Sudan runs $79,500, a Chevy Volt will set you back $31,000, and even a Prius comes in at $25,500. And there is the question about whether or not electric cars are better for the planet given the impacts of production and end of use disposal. I would love to buy fair trade and sustainable in all aspects of my life but they don’t make clothes in my size, the quantity of what I need often makes buying in this way expensive and some of what I want can’t be found.

Over and over I am forced to have to either go with my values and beliefs and it costs me or I compromise and it costs me too.  I am left with a question for the universe, “Why does it cost so much to do the right thing?” In a lot of ways I feel that to live out my values, my faith in the area of shopping and such I would have to be fairly well-off financially. It seems to me that our system is designed to allow for those who have the resources to do what is best and right while those of us without all the resources are left to do what is ok or not so good because we cannot afford to do otherwise. Sure I know that I have a lot more options than many others, especially those in under-developed countries. I know that if I really wanted to do something, get something, make something happen I could figure out a way for one thing but when faced with many things I don’t feel I have the wiggle room to do what I want to do, what should be done.

I know the argument that one watt saved is a watt saved, one drop of water conserved is one drop of water not wasted but why can’t I save many watts, conserve many drops of water? It comes down to cost and I feel that I could save more watts and water if I could afford to do more of what could be done instead of just doing what I can afford to do. I want vinyl windows, I want full insulation, I want a ductless heat pump but I can only afford the windows, the insulation and a much more efficient gas furnace. And I feel I have not lived out the values that I hold. I feel that I have had to compromise my faith and my relationship with God and creation. As silly as it may sound, I feel that I have let myself, others and God down because of the choice I have had to make, a choice based upon economics and not my faith and values.

I am truly thankful that God is understanding and forgiving. I am thankful that doing a little bit does make a difference. I am thankful that I do have choices and options. And I am thankful that I don’t feel good when I am forced to accept less than what I believe should be. I am also thankful that I can share my frustrations and limitations as we all seek to be faithful.

Dear God, help me make wise choices that reflect my beliefs and values, especially when they reflect yours. Help me to live with the choices I make and to never be fully satisfied with them until I can make the best ones possible. Thank you for giving me a sense of what is just and right and forgive me when I don’t do everything possible to be just and live righteously. Amen.