Marriage

…and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." Mark 10:8-9 (NRSV)

I could go all kinds of directions with this topic. I have so many things I could say about this institution, about what it means, about how it affects us, etc. I could go off on a tangent and talk about all the related issues like adultery, Ashley Madison website, divorce, etc. But what I want to Muse about today is what my marriage means to me.

Amy and I have been married for over 33 years. I wish I could say that it was a blissful and easy 33 years but the truth is it hasn’t been easy. We have had good days, good months and good years. We have also had bad days, bad months and even a bad year or two. We have faced a lot together and sometimes weathered the storms as a team, but sometimes we each had to go it alone. We have had years of counseling together and years of counseling by ourselves. At times we have found a balance while at other times we were on the edge ready to fall. Anyone that says to you marriage is easy either isn’t being honest with you or aren’t being honest with themselves.

On the outside my family of origin was like “Leave It to Beaver” but that image was not the whole truth. My mom and dad had troubles and were not the healthiest of people when it came to emotions, relationships and being a family. Some of it had to do with their own families of origin, the times they grew up in, and the experiences of their lives. Some of it had to do with the people that they were. And some of it had to do with the choices they made. Now don’t get me wrong, there wasn’t physical abuse, no alcoholism or drug addiction, no philandering and certainly no cowering and giving in to only one “head” of the house. In a lot of ways my home was a haven when compared to many homes. Still, though it wasn’t family paradise.

I am the product of that environment, of those genes and of the times within which I came to maturity. I am also the product of years of experience, of observing others, of reading and wondering and trying to figure out who I am and how I am to be in a relationship with another mature, thinking, feeling human being. For those you who don’t know her Amy and I are very different. We share a lot of common values. We care about a lot of the same things. We have similar beliefs and goals. But how we go about life is different. This difference has brought both wonder (awe) and wonder (bewilderment) to our life together. I can say now that it is a gift and that it has helped me evolve into the person that I am. In the ever changing flow of life I can honestly say that Amy has been a steadying hand and a voice of reason more than a few times and that our togetherness – our working as a team to face what comes our way – has provided the strength needed to carry on.

Eventually one of us will die. The other one of us will carry on. We will use our years together and all that we have done, survived, and accomplished to help the survivor continue on. I know that for me it will be hard but doable because I know Amy would want me to carry on. I hope she knows that I want her to carry on too. We both know that life doesn’t end when one in the couple dies, it is just another hurdle to overcome, a change in how we relate to one another and something else that we will learn from and that will bring growth.

As my brothers have struggles in their marriages, as my Dad’s wife continues to struggle with her grief, as friends celebrate anniversaries and kids who have grown up with my kids get married I have to say to God and the universe, “thank you” for whatever caused Amy and me to find one another and invest in our relationship. It is a gift of the universe for which I am eternally grateful.

Dear God, thank you for Amy. Thank you for our life together. Thank you for the joys we’ve shared and the hurdles we have had to overcome.  Be with all those who are married. Be with those whose marriages didn’t work. Be with those who are lost in grief. Bring comfort, strength and a sense of life to all who struggle in their relationships. And I thank you God that our nation recognizes that marriage isn’t about the gender of the couple but is about two people committing themselves to one another in hopes of making a meaning life together. Amen.